Music has always had a way of speaking to people like no other medium. Whether it's a worship song or a "secular" song, music and words together has a powerful effect on people. It's no different with me. Music was my first love, besides writing, and it has stayed with me my entire life.
The other day, I heard the Lynyrd Skynyrd song "Simple Man" for the thousandth time, but it was like hearing it for the first time. It's about a mother telling her son to be a "simple kind of man", to live life slowly and take the time to be a good person and enjoy who you are. I have never been a simple person, from the time I was a small child until now. A simple life never appealed to me, even. I always wanted to slow down, to enjoy God's creation and all the blessings in my life. But I never wanted a slow kind of life. I like everything hard and fast, from my driving to my music (55 on the freeway? Come ON, Redding!!).
It's been hard living in Redding, as much as I do love it. But listening to that song the other day, I realized my life requires a sort of simplicity and slowness. Bobbie is a simple person. He's very smart and hardworking, but he's cut and dried compared to me. I have big dreams for traveling, teaching, ministry...I have big ideas and big thoughts. If I were to write out a plan for my life, it would contain many turns and stop-offs. I don't want to just work a job and have kids. That sounds appealing to me, but I want to do other, BIG things too. I think it's ok to want and go for those things, but part of moving to Redding was to have a slower, simpler life. Most of the time, the pace kills me but that song made is seem so beautiful. It made me remember the appeal of sitting out on a porch, drinking tea, and watching the stars. Bobbie and I did that every night we were at his parents' house. It was so nice to have that after working all day. It was nice to have a break from such deep, torturous thoughts, which I have all the freakin' time.
My mom and I talked about a compromise between the City Mouse (me) and the Country Mouse (Bobbie). I will always need literature, writing, museums, libraries and bookstores, cultural experiences. He will always need the stars, nature, hunting, and John Wayne. We'll need to find a balance between the two so we both feel like we're having the life we want. The only thing for sure is that we want a life together. But even apart from Bobbie, I've always had a need to slow down. My professors and I talked endlessly about finding beauty in the life around us, slowing down to talk to God, to spend time with special people, to do things we enjoy and which enrich our souls. It felt nearly impossible to do that in Southern California, with how much responsibility I had and how fast-paced everything was.
For the first time in months, almost a year, I'm seeing Redding as a blessing again. It's not just me running from my problems, it's God's gift to me to help me slow down and live life beautifully, the way he intended it.
No comments:
Post a Comment