When I was a kid, I never could understand other kids who didn't like school. It was a chance to hang out with other kids, learn a bunch of interesting stuff, and get away from everything that was happening at home. From the time I was little, I knew I was meant for college. College was a life where learning was the center, where it didn't matter how fast you could throw a ball or how cute your shoes were. The competition centered around the one thing I could excel at: learning.
But when I finished college, I was lost. I had never truly thought of life after that. I had always wanted to be a writer or an actress or a singer, maybe even a teacher. But those were just ideas, not the actual dreams I had about going away to college when I was a little girl. There was never a time in college when I wished it would end. In fact, I tried everything I could to stay there as long as possible. I could've graduated early with an Anthropology degree but switched to English my jr. year. Then I could've graduated on time, but stayed a semester longer. I made all sorts of excuses, but the fact of the matter was, I didn't want to leave school. It seemed like everyone else had something to look forward to: moving back home, getting married, going to grad school, going abroad. I had Starbucks and a shed.
Even now, even after moving to a pretty town, meeting my boyfriend, and experiencing all that I have in my new job, I feel lost. I miss my friends the most, but sometimes I think I miss school just as much. I miss being in a classroom and discussing things with other students and with professors. I miss reading and writing and studying. It's pathetic, I know, but those are really the only things I've been good at. I know I'm good at what I do now, but I'm afraid I don't have enough passion. Teaching was most definitely a passion. I struggled with a Messiah Complex, for sure, but I was still very good at it and loved it. Teaching also enabled me to be in school forever.
I can't wait for school to start. I can start as soon as September, as soon as I submit my application and complete the FAFSA. After that, I can start teaching. It'll take 2 years, tops, to get to where I know I'm truly happy again. It's just a matter of waiting it out.
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