Confessions.

Tonight I spoke with a good friend of mine who I lived with in college. She and I have shared a lot of very secret, very personal things we would never dream of sharing with the rest of the world. I told her how I was pretty much finished with people at large, especially the church. I told her it was because repeatedly, people who claim to be Christians have judged me, patronized me, and shown fake concern when in reality they couldn't have cared less. I said that I have my close circle of friends and family who I know love me and care genuinely about my life and my spiritual life as well. Why would I need to let in more people when I already have all I need?
She took it to mean I was bitterly shutting people out, afraid of loving, afraid of letting people in. But that's not what I'm afraid of; I'm afraid of my social circle getting so large again that I can't tell the difference between real friends and just people who only want something from you. Even Jesus didn't have hundreds of friends. The sad fact of the matter is that there are very people in the world who will have a continual connection with you in mind and in spirit. You can't trust everyone, even if for years you thought you could. My mom always said you should be able to count your friends on one hand. For the longest time, I needed a dozen extra pairs of hands to count all my "friends."
I think it's smart to have a small circle of support. There are a lot of people I have truly connected with and have become kindred spirits. There are not a whole lot of people, however, with whom I would share all my secrets. There are too few people I know who actual love me wholly and without judgment. These are the people who miss me, who call me, who don't only help me when it makes them feel good, who pay attention when I talk, who are happy for me when things are great, who cry with me and pray for me when times are bad, who take me seriously. And I do the same for them; I wouldn't want anyone lesser in my life.