Some people in my life have told me that I'm a good person. They like to be around me, they like to talk to me, they like to hear me talk. They're all crazy, of course, but that's besides the point. The point IS...somewhere inside me is a good person. Other people see it, and they've commented on it before. At least that means there's potential somewhere for me in the future.
Who I want to be is whatever universally encompasses "good." Kind, compassionate, giving, trustworthy. I'm slightly lacking in each of those areas. I've always hated myself for not being everything I could to my friends and family, but now that a prospect of a family (however far in the future that may be) is in sight, and being in the field that I am, I am even more concerned about being the very best person that I could be.
I'm less concerned now with being a rebel and giving the middle finger, though I think there are some instances in which that is absolutely necessary. You should never let someone put you down or take advantage of you. You shouldn't work a job in which you are unhappy. You shouldn't put up with abuse. You shouldn't let someone else's opinion dictate your self-perception. But keeping up a hard, thick wall isn't going to help me be a good wife, mother, friend, daughter, co-worker, etc.
When I was in high school, the movie Troy came out. I was enraptured by that movie because, though the delineation between "bad guy" and "good guy" was unclear, "good person" was clear. Honor meant defending your country, love meant being good to people around you, and loyalty meant not compromising your values. I loved that there was some distinct idea out there of what being a good person meant. And while I understand that life is just not that black and white, I do believe that the basics of goodness are uncompromising and reachable. It's just a matter of time before I've gotten some of them down a little bit better.
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