Growing Up

I live with 4 other girls who are turning 21 this Fall. Though I'm only a year and a half older, I've found myself giving some life advice these past few weeks that I've been here. The most prominent one is that of self-preservation, though brutal sounding it may be. We're taught that community and solidarity are the most important, then you think of yourself. The problem is that no one lives by that. I think the problem is also exacerbated by improper means of maintaining community. 

I made many choices that placed more importance on my friends and what they made clear was best for them, rather than what was best for myself. One sad fact (among many) about becoming an adult is that you have to take care of yourself. You have to save money, find a place for yourself to live, afford food, keep a steady job, etc. etc. etc. etc...and all of these aspects of adult life are complicated by the community of friends gained in college.

So many of us are afraid of being alone, so we make plans to live with each other, date, get married. One of my roommates wanted to cut back her schedule at work so she could have more time to hang out with her roommates, who will all be graduating this coming Spring. The problem is that she needs the hours and the pay; she'll be getting married in March and needs to save up now. It's a sweet thought to change huge plans like working and class schedules so you can spend more time with your friends, but the fact of the matter is, EVERYTHING changes upon entering real live adulthood. 

So much of my life was invested in a certain group of girls these past four years, and all but two have moved away. We are all still friends and love each other very much, but we came to college with plans to pursue careers and ministries, and through our experiences and growth at Biola we've cultivated dreams of being married to the men we love, moving to the places where we want to start our lives, and returning to the hometowns where our lives began. We cannot have the silly late night outings or all-nighters anymore AND move on to the lives we know we're meant to lead. I've loved college, in spite of all the Hell I've put myself through. But I do wish I'd kept in mind that once the caps have been thrown, the diplomas handed out, and the dorm rooms cleaned, adult life was waiting on the other side, ready to scream at me in the face telling me to get down and give 'im fifty. 

That's the way life is. If anything, graduating college and "losing" your friends challenges your character. These friends - college friends - are much different than high school friends. You live together; grow from punk-ass 18-year-olds into working 22-year-olds together; create memories at all hours of the day and night together; experience some of the hardest things of life together. They are not easily let go of, even if you leave senior year not as close as the end of freshmen year. That's where you began to break away from an identity attached to anyone else, and move into discovering yourself more fully. You've got to learn to live with yourself from sun-up to sun-down, because now you don't have a group of girls always there to watch movies with, joke with, complain about classes with, or drool over boys with. It takes extra effort to call them up to hang out or just to talk. It's a little harder, but it proves who your friends are. 

And it proves how far along you've come, too.