Barbara

I sat with my godmother this past Wednesday, after not seeing her for almost four years.

The woman is a sage.

She talked about those things you never hear about anymore: losing one's soul, knowing people like old friends, prizing love and friendship above all else, marching to the beat of one's own drum.

It was like a break in the clouds for me. Here was this amazing woman I'd neglected for over ten years. She is a treasure chest of secrets, not only about life and all its wonders but of my family, too. She's known my parents for almost 30 years, before they were together and years before either my brother or I were born. She talked about my mom with more love than I'd ever heard anyone have for her. My godmother knows my mother and all the good that is inside of her. It was strange, and comforting, to hear her talk about how welcomed my mom and dad made her feel on Hollywood Boulevard, teaching her the biker lifestyle. Though my godmother was never a part of that, the point was that she felt like it.

When I was little, my godmother was my favorite person. She loved everyone the same, but she made each of us feel like we were her personal favorite. She called me "Jenna", and still does to this day. I would spend the night at her tiny apartment, full of cats and cat food, and color or watch Disney movies she stocked just for us. She told me this past week that we were washing dishes at my place in Hollywood and I asked her if I could call her "mommy." She told me instead it was better to call her "mommy Barbara." The look in her eyes when she told me that was just priceless.

In three hours I got to know a woman I have really known my whole life, but who has never forgotten me. It was amazing to hear her tell me who I was and be right. She was not surprised at who I've become. It was like she understood where I was but also how I've become the way that I am.

The woman truly is a sage.