Cogs in the Machine

--sigh-- I'm back to Marxism. It's got me thinking: What are we created for? Humans have adapted to amazing capacities to produce at alarming rates. The average workweek is 40 hours, but plenty of people work more than that. As college students, we juggle work and school, not to mention church and ministries (for those of us at Biola). There are always friends to meet, topics to research, papers to write, books to read, concepts to ponder. 

Our working conditions have greatly improved since the Victorian era...but what about the conditions of our lives? I have felt - and I feel it more and more - that I am constantly on the edge of a nervous breakdown. There are too many ideas, too many interests, too many people, too many needs, too much to accomplish that I can't handle it all. I look around me and people seem to be doing swimmingly, though I know a closer look would reveal otherwise. 

It bothers me that I cannot be a brilliant scholar, teacher extraordinaire, dependable ministry volunteer, growing Christian, loving daughter, and caring friend all at the same time. Sometimes I get so bogged down with the responsibilities of the modern person that I cannot sleep. Those are the nights when the thoughts are rushing so quickly through my mind that my eyes won't stay shut, and only the t.v. can drown them out. 

When I take into account my person problems (spiritual, mental, emotional, physical), I suspect I'm not built to handle all that modern life has dropped on me. I wonder, too, if others feel this way; and if perhaps none of us were built to work like this. Pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps is much more difficult in a post-Industrial age, and I'm inclined to think many would agree. 

It's no wonder we are so big on planning retreats and vacations, and that we advocate resting times and "time to yourself." Life really is this whirlwind---no matter how dedicated I am, or how smart I think I can be, I still cannot handle the pressures I feel I should. There are so many paradigms just in my tiny school telling me what I need to do: I need to use my mind! I need to dedicate my time! I need to emotionally connect! I need to make time for my friends! I need to figure out my ideology! I need to be devoted to the word of God! Ack; it bothers me to think that spending time with God is yet another obligation on my list rather than my very life-source. 

Many of these pressures are self-inflicted; but it's what I've observed in the world. Right now, retreating into my world of books and music sounds like heaven...there are other things that are required of me, I know, but I'm just wondering if it's possible no one would die if I shed some of these obligations so I can make it in this capitalist of a world.